What Celebrating My Birthday for 30 Days Taught Me
/I don't know if this sounds like you but for most of my life I have felt unworthy to ask for what I want for my birthday. I often felt like I didn't deserve anything special for my birthday. We typically had simple, small birthday celebrations growing up. I had lots of feelings around that growing up, comparing myself to others and how their birthdays were celebrated.
As a result I have experienced a lot of stress and tension around my birthday. I felt this battle within me; a push, pull within to celebrate or just letting it glide by acting as if it was no big deal. And telling people when they asked that I didn't want anything, didn't really want to do anything special and didn't want any gifts. I might share if I needed something. Wanting was really not ok. And while all these thoughts were running around in my head there was a part of me that was screaming inside that we ALL deserve to celebrate our birthdays because we are special, me included.
This year I decided I was going to stop telling myself the same story, feeling the same stress and tension, and not feeling good about my birthday. I was done. It all started with some journaling on March 1st when I wrote, “15 more days until my birthday”
I decided as part of that journal entry that I was going to write every day about my birthday until there was nothing left to write.
This is what I have discovered after just 15 days:
I did not update my beliefs around my birthday despite updating beliefs in so many other areas of my life
. I was showing up to me and my birthday using an outdated system and I needed a reboot.
I have lied to myself repeatedly for years about what my birthday means to me.
I made up stories about my birthday based on limited information and lies.
These stories were often not kind to me or those I loved and who loved me.
I made lots of assumptions.
I took what others did or didn’t do personally.
I judged all over the place.
This discovery has led me to commit to journaling every day about celebrating me for the whole month.
I created a list of things I wanted for my birthday and shared it when asked.
Actions I am taking to be able to embody my new beliefs and self-discoveries more fully:
I am planning an ultimate birthday celebration for next year. I am letting myself dream what that looks like and have started a list of what it includes.
I am sharing my ideas with my wife and others.
I am sharing my beliefs in my club Unapologetically YOU University on Clubhouse.
I would love to hear your thoughts about celebrating your birthday.
Here are some journal prompts that may help start the process of discovery.
This is what I believe about celebrating my birthday…
This is what I believe about celebrating me…
This is how I have celebrated my birthday in the past and how I feel about that…
What stories am I telling myself about celebrating my birthday and me?
I will share any new discoveries at the end of the 30 days and let you know how my actual birthday turned out!
In love and healing,
Jenn
Want to join the conversation in my club on Clubhouse, Unapologetically YOU University? Click here!